Damage

I’ve realized something about myself. I’ve sort of always known this but really tried to avoid saying (writing) it. I eat too much and sometimes bad things when I’m stressed out or tired. I suppose this is emotional eating? Plus I find that I’ll eat things that I know won’t make me feel good. Then because I don’t feel good it’s hard for me to be physically active and then I feel bad for myself. WTF! I hope you are thinking that because I know I am. If I know better then why? Well let me back up for a minute. Last night I seriously was not even hungry after my entire loaf of bread for breakfast. I spent the day doing yard work and stressing about my mother being upset about me sitting in the sun at breakfast. I know this sounds weird and petty, but seriously this is the stuff that creates a downfall for me. So what did I do, I ate. I had some rice, then some more rice and a half a sandwich with turkey and avocado, then some strawberries with splenda, and then an un-pictured huge bowl of cinnamon toast crunch with Almond Milk.

I woke up this morning still not having gotten enough sleep. So I stopped for some coffee.

Had some overnight oat medley…1/2 c oats, ½ c almond milk, ½ fat free cottage cheese. Then I mixed in some strawberries this morning. It was delicious actually, and I was hungry then, but seriously exhausted.

I had an early snack: sandwich thin, avocado, and 1/3 c egg whites.

Lunch was a sandwich on my Great Harvest bread. 2 slices, 1 serving of turkey, artichoke hearts. Then I also had a large side salad with some Raspberry dressing from Trader Joe’s.

Followed by a nectarine.

Then I had a Fiber One bar for a snack, and no joke, a bag of Skittles (un-pictured). Why would I eat Skittles, I don’t even like Skittles. Truth be told, the sugar made me feel better for about 30 minutes but then I just felt like crap again.

I suppose this “damage” if you will is done. I don’t really see it as damage; I see it as a learning experience. I know what food makes me feel good and I know what food doesn’t. I need to trust myself to make myself feel better and not eat things that I know make me feel bad. So consequently I don’t want to go to the gym because I am exhausted! All I’ve wanted to do is go back to bed since I woke up. My body wants to relax. I may or may not head over to Whole Foods after work, because I’m feeling inspired to “clean” up my act. Regardless I will head home, no gym, relax, and then try and get some decent hours in tonight.

I also really want to try this recipe from Oh She Glows:

Ingredients:

• 1.5 cups cooked chickpeas
• 1/2 cup regular oats
• 10 baby carrots or 2 carrots
• 1 tbsp coconut oil (or oil of your choice), melted
• 1.5 tsp Arvinda’s Curry Masala (or other good quality curry powder)
• 1/2 tsp Paprika
• 1/4 tsp Tumeric
• 1/4-1/2 tsp sea salt, to taste
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tsp Parsley flakes (optional)
• 3 tbsp sunflower seeds
• 1/4 cup pepitas (pumpkin seeds)

Directions: Preheat oven to 375F. Grease a baking sheet or line with parchment paper and set aside. In a food processor, process the oats, carrots, and all the spices/seasonings (sea salt, black pepper, curry masala, paprika, tumeric, optional parsley) for 30 seconds or until somewhat smooth. Now add in the chickpeas at 1/2 cup increments and coconut oil (melted), stopping to scrape down the bowl as necessary. [My food processor was quite cantankerous during this process (it didn’t process the chickpeas well, but that may have been because I doubled the recipe and I had too much in my bowl!)]. Once the chickpeas are mostly processed and smooth, take the mixture and place in a medium sized bowl. Stir in the sunflower seeds and pepita seeds. Wet your hands and shape patties or balls. Makes about 6-8 patties depending on how big you want them. Note: You can also pre-bake these for about 20 minutes and them pop them on the BBQ to finish them off!

Ok I'm making dinner for the bf and myself tonight. Wish me luck!